before you read this, i advise you to read my other journal entries, so this one will make a little more sense to you.
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where do i stand right now?
In life?
Physically?
Mentally?
Where do i belong?
What am i supposed to do with my time, my life?
And what is the supreme purpose of my living?
These are questions i so often ask myself. and most likely we all do.
One of the biggest qustions i think is; where do i belong, because this question alone covers almost all the questions above.
We human beings are so often placed in categories. There are categories in every stage of life. Different categories in babies, toddlers, teenagers, adults, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, friends, family etc.
this is one thing i can not, and WILL not understand nor accept.
why is it that we have to shrink a person and a personality, into a category that only covers about 2% of that very person? is it to make it easier for ourselves?
so when you ask where you belong, is the answer a category that the society has placed you in? most likely it is, and that, to me, is sad..
i wonder what category people place me in. am i still the nutcase? that crazy girl/young woman.she who needs to be protected and taken care of.she who is quite sweet, but very confused aout life.
or am i the "woman in making" she who is just on the doorstep of the rest of her life?
if you ask me what category i am in, i would say f**k you! you will NOT place me in a category. how about you get to know me instead.
maybe its the feeling of being confined in such a small space that a category is, reminds me of being confined in small rooms in hospitals, psychiatric wards etc. and i dont want to be that. i want to be more, i want to be nothing and everything. black, white and rainbow coloured.
I want to be that person that no one can describe with just a few words.
So when a person asks who i am, i want the answer to be a million words, and a million expressions, and then the answer to be: I dont know how to describe her, you would have to meet her yourself.
do read......don't confine me to a category!
I am doing graduate studies far from my girlfriend and she has been anorexic for a month. I think we are lucky cause she realised and told me early before it went out of control. Now we are fighting as best as we can. I hope she gets over it, i really do and i hope she has no permanent damage.
Any advice on me supporting and helping her will be greatly appreciated.
i dont think you need to worry about permanent damage if she has only been anorexic for one month. The human body is quite amazing, and a lot stronger than you think. It repairs itself better than we think.
As to giving you advice, thats tough. See we are all individuals, so is our disease. Dont focuse on the weight however. Because its not about that. depending on what stage she is in her recovery, she might still think that its all about food and weight. its not. theres no need to argue with her about what she has to eat or not eat. anorexic are masters in manipulating everyone to get what they want. not that they are manipulative as a person, its the desease talking.
even if she turns againt you or says nasty things, again, its the desease talking, not her. always keep that in mind.
instead of focusing on the weight, focuse on everything else thats positive. whatever it may be, if she is into art or poetry, everyone needs some way of getting all the bad things in our heads out. I wrote poetry and art. The best way is to find something that distracts her when all the bad anorexic thoughts come to haunt her, until she is strong enough to face them.
however, im not a doctor nor a psychiatrist, these are just my own thoughts, and what helped me. I personally think that therapy is the key to it. Ive been going to therapy for 5 years, and thats really what helped me in the end. get to know your enemy, and get to know yourself. learning to understand WHY you feel, think and do the things you do.
feel free to write me anytime, ill try to answer best as i can.
sending all my best wishes to your girlfriend. I sincerely hope she will get through this, it is possible, im proof of that, and it is truly worth it!
/A
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I am the wilderness locked in a cage.
I am a growing force you kept in place.
I am a tree reaching for the sun, please dont hold me down,please dont hold me down - release me!
I am also pretty sure that me being far away studying abroad did not help her at all. She is struggling to accept the situation and struggles coping with it, but I think overall she is improving and things look a lot better lately.
Thanks
I know how hard it is to fight
and to be honest about your illness.
your strength is simply inspiring
best of wishes to you for your recovery.
--
It's here in the sleeping drops and uniforms of silk
~Karen Knight
Support ^StJoan
[Charity Aids Walk]
--
To
Write
Love
On Her
Arms
Rescue is Possible
Love is the Movement
Stop the Bleeding
i dont have a website. sorry ><
--
I am the wilderness locked in a cage.
I am a growing force you kept in place.
I am a tree reaching for the sun, please dont hold me down,please dont hold me down - release me!
--
To
Write
Love
On Her
Arms
Rescue is Possible
Love is the Movement
Stop the Bleeding
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